I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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