She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
time to smoke my breakfast
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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