So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
