This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
