You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
