I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
