I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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