Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Enjoy the penises
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
