bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
