I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
