if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize