btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
