On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
