: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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