you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
