Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
