he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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