Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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