Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
