My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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