evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
