Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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