You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
