i was born a porn star she said
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
