My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
