My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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