The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
