Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i'm inner monologue high
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
