I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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