It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
