people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
