so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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