i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
