i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
