the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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