I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
