are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
