Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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