WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
