He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
