I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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