I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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