im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's never too late to be topless.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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