oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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