I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
