She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize