Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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