Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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