Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize