She is in my trunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
