I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
