would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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