He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
