Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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