The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
