And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
