then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
