Will you blow on my dice?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
