You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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