He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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