Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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