My liver just broke up with me...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
