you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
