Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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