no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
