I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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